BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is the way in which we view ourselves and our own self worth. Those who suffer from low self-esteem tend to take fewer risks, focus on their flaws, be pessimistic and form unhealthy relationships. Having good self-esteem gives you the confidence you need to overcome all that and deal with the obstacles of everyday life. With confidence and a positive outlook, it’s easier to deal with change and pick yourself up when you do make a mistake. Good self-esteem also leads to healthier relationships, as well as success in school and in the workplace. So here are nine simple steps to follow if your self-esteem could use a boost:

1. Decide to Improve – change must come from within
No big surprise here - the first step begins with you. Like any obstacle you are trying to overcome, the first step is to realize you want to improve your situation and then make the decision to start today.

2. Make a list of things you are good at
Make a list of all the things you have achieved and the things you enjoy doing. Once you take a look at that list, you'll probably start feeling better already. You might be amazed at the talents and achievements you may have forgotten or not even realized. Give yourself some well-deserved credit.

3. Accept compliments – think more positively about yourself
Most of us tend to shy away from or brush off compliments. How many of you have responded to a compliment by then saying something negative about yourself? It’s time to accept those compliments for what they are, stand proudly and say, “thank you.”

4. Build positive relationships
When suffering from low self-esteem, the last thing you need is to surround yourself with negative, self-destructive or unhappy people. Even after you walk away from them, you carry their burdens and negativity away with you. Now, reflect on how you feel after spending time with healthy, positive people. You'll discover these positive relationships make you feel happy, confident and full of life.

5. Clarify values – determine what’s important to you
Here’s your moment of reflection. Take some time to really think about your priorities. What makes you happy? What gives your life meaning? What would you like to accomplish? This could take some time, but be sure to honestly work through this exercise. It's best to write down your thoughts and start a journal.

6. Take action, make change
This could be considered one of the most difficult steps. Here’s where you have to get up off the couch and start making a difference. You’ve decided to make a change and you’ve set your priorities, now its time for the follow-through. Say "thank you" to compliments, say “no” to those negative influences in your life and "yes" to the positive ones. Make a phone call, sign up for a class or contact that person who can put you on the path towards achieving what makes you happy and gives your life meaning. And, once you take action, you’ll be amazed at what that does to your self-esteem.

7. Set goals – make them specific
You hear this all the time. Successful people set goals. So, why are so many of us lax in doing this? Well, many of us set goals, but they are too generic or too big or maybe we don’t give ourselves a realistic time frame. Next thing you know, our goals become a sort of wish list that ends up in a drawer...forgotten. But, now that you are focused on making some changes, try this again. This time make the goals very specific and give yourself a realistic time frame. Set smaller goals that help you work your way towards the bigger goal. Put your goals in a place where you will see them everyday and be reminded of where you’re headed.

8. Create a portfolio of your accomplishments
In Step 5, I mentioned starting a journal. Keeping track of your goals, talents, desires, hopes and dreams, as well as your accomplishments will help build your self-esteem. Once you accomplish one goal, you will have the confidence to accomplish the next goal. Sometimes seeing on paper what we’ve achieved helps it to really sink in. As you add to your portfolio and reflect on what you’ve done, your self-esteem will continue to improve. You’ll have written evidence of your successes, the obstacles you’ve overcome, the values you’ve upheld and a clear path to where you want to go next. That's got to make you feel good about yourself, right?

9. Accept yourself, like who you are
This is most important. If you don’t like yourself, do you really expect anyone else to like you? Once you accept yourself for who you are, others will too. Be that person who is positive, healthy, fun, and lives true to their values. People enjoy spending time with someone who exhibits these qualities – someone with good self-esteem.

For more on Building Self-Esteem, check out our DVD of the same title. You'll follow two young people as they work through each of the nine steps, building their own self-esteem along the way.